Years ago, after seeing Jay Leno's funny headlines, I began looking for funny headlines of my own. They really are everywhere if you just look. Over the years, I've collected quite a lot of really funny ones. I keep saying I should send them in to Jay but so far, I haven't done it.
Here are a few that have been in our local paper lately. The stories accompanying them are just as funny as the headline itself.
Even burglars get hungry! In this story, the homeowner returns home and finds things out of place. Missing were a gun, 19 rolls of toilet paper (how in the world did she know she had that exact amount in the closet), a bottle of shampoo, a bag of chips and 2 jars of Pace cheese dip! Crazy!
This particular night kept the police hopping with a lot of activity! Upon arriving at this particular house, they found a man and woman obviously drunk and fighting. The man tried to tell them he had things under control, but upon further investigating, they discovered that a portion of the man's thumb was bitten off. The woman had allegedly done this. The woman had a small injury above one of her eyes. Both were taken into custody.
This makes me laugh every time I look at it! Upon arrival at this location, police found a woman, obviously under the influence of some sort of substance, sitting on the ground near the lawn chairs. It had been reported by neighbors that she was 'fighting' with the lawn furniture. The woman admitted to 'having a bunch to drink'. She was unable to stand or walk and was taken into custody. I wonder who won the fight-the woman or the lawn chair?
This one just kills me!! First off, I have never had the urge to bite anyone, at least not since maturing past the baby/toddler stage, and second, I don't think if I did see the need to bite anyone, that the nose is the body part I would choose.
In this story, the police heard a disturbance in one of the jail cells. Upon arriving, they discovered an inmate that claimed that his cellmate had bitten off his nose, but would not tell anything else that led up to the actual biting. Reports indicate the officer on duty found the missing piece of the inmates right nostril. ( haha Everything about this is just hysterical!!) The officer put the nostril on ice and transported it to the local hospital along with the injured prisoner.
And last but not least, there is this one. Upon arrival at this location, the reporting party said that their neighbors, both in wheelchairs, were throwing rocks at the house. They were also banging on the door, but by the time the police arrived, they had gone back into their own house. Apparently these two have been a source of trouble in the past because the officers were aware of previous incidents involving them. The officers then went to the house and detected a strong odor of alcohol and both were transported to the local jail.
I love my little country town and the local paper never ceases to provide some much needed entertainment!
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